Honeyanne

winning...

This weekend I went to Calgary to run with over 2000 other participants in the AstraZeneca 5K race.  The last time I ran 5k was at the Chilly-Willy in my home town and I think maybe 50 runners attended, so being in a crowd 2000 big was a brilliant feeling.  The energy was as enormous as the crowd. 

Before the race started the MC revved us up. He asked who was going to win the race.  I shot up both my arms in the air and let out a conspicuous "ME!"

And I did! 

Well...if by winning he meant finish without vomiting my guts out; if by winning he meant not taking a wrong turn somewhere at Albuquerque; if by winning he meant finishing my personal best, then I TOTALLY WON THAT RACE!

My goal going into the race was to run without stopping the first 2k.  I was so swept up by the crowds - they had spectators playing banjos, fans brandishing supportive signs, enthusiasts blowing horns, even a group of can-can dancers flashed us a peek at their bottoms.  When I finally realized I was still running and the marker said 3k I couldn't believe it!  I started to laugh. I felt good - really good - so I continued my pace laughing in between gulps of air.  

As I turned the corner heading into the Calgary Stampede grandstands - the last kilometer to go - a thrill rushed over me.  I was still running!  I was going to run this final stretch if it was the last thing I ever did.  I started to laugh. It was just so profoundly funny to me that I was actually accomplishing something I didn't think was possible. 

As the finishing line came into view I was overcome by the realization that I was about to achieve something really hard for me. I fought back tears betwixt the wheezing and the giggling. 

33 minutes and 41seconds flashed above me as I crossed the finishline!  My tears could not be contained.  I did it!  I ran the whole thing! 

The real premise to this event was the marathon.  The 5k and 10k were just the side attractions.  My husband ran that marathon in just under 4 hours (like 1 second under).  He also won that race because he didn't think he'd finish due to a foot injury.

He was there on the other side of the finish-line watching me. He said he could see me grinning all the way up the last stretch.  He had tears in his eyes - perhaps from pride or maybe because every muscle in his body was cramping. 

He knew that for me, I had run a personal marathon.  He knew what that meant and he let me have the glory even though he had completed something truly ludicrous.  He didn't make light of my 5000 metres in comparison to his 42,194 metres.  We both knew those 5 little kilometers had become the stepping stones to running in the Calgary Marathon one day.

the skinny on my weight-loss...

Here are the dates and numbers:

• I started January 2011 at 204 lbs.
• I started forty days of HCG drops and lost 27 lbs.
• In October 2011 I did another round of HCG drops and lost another 20 lbs.
• March of this year I planned for the last go of HCG drops but only lasted 22 days losing another 13 lbs.
• By April 2012 I reached my goal weight of 145 lbs -well, actually 144 lbs but who's counting.
• 60 lbs in about 15 months.

I think I've done the math correctly (math is not my best). Right. Now that I've got the numbers out of the way let me share with you the skinny of how this journey began.

I had given birth to my fifth and final baby. Six months passed. With hushed tones and a knowing smile, a kind woman stopped me in the hall at church and asked if I was expecting again. I tried to ease her embarrassment with assurances that I wasn't offended - after all I was rather big around the middle.

This happened from time to time but by Christmas things were getting out of hand. Random strangers enquired after due dates. No lie! A few days before the holidays I was asked in a span of 15 minutes, by two different people, in Costco of all places when I was due! I just muttered some drifting date, gave a weary smile and thanked them for the well wishes.

It all came to a head when one afternoon a sweet girl possessing chocolaty brown eyes and infectious dimples asked with all the eloquence of a 5 year old, "Are you having a baby?" To which I replied emphatically, "No I am not." Her brow wrinkled as she inspected my belly and exclaimed, "Oh, you sure eat A LOT!"

I was sucker-punched by her audacity but what could I do but laugh? The child was right (they always are).

So it went - I started an odyssey from obese to oh-mazing! Or at least that was my hope. I had heard success stories about an extreme and controversial diet called HCG. It promised some pretty amazing results so I leaped on board.

My doctor didn't like it. The nurse at the clinic who weighed me weekly for the first 40 days didn't like it either. "There are healthier ways to go about weight loss." I wasn't interested in a long-term solution. I wanted results and I wanted them yesterday. I got them. But I have to tell you, dear reader, I got so much more.

This 15 month journey has been more than just about weight loss - it's been about re-education. I've had to re-learn how to eat, how to cook, how to grocery shop, how to manage my moods and how to exercise - but you've heard all this a thousand times before - I know I have. I guess it took all of a thousand times for it to get through to me.

Like I said, the HCG diet is extreme - 500 calories a day for 40 days. That isn't very much food but the drops kept me from feeling hungry. Truthfully, I never felt hungry, not once. But boy oh boy, did I ever miss tasting things!

I realized just how much of a hobby snacking had become for me. It hit me hard the first week - I chew for something to do. I filled up my time with munching. When I couldn't nibble away my boredom I began to fill my time up, not with food, with books. I think I read a half dozen books in 40 days. It was kind of cool, really, how productive I became in those forty days.

As the weight fell off (daily) and I started to see a waistline I grew in confidence. With each HCG round I changed a little piece of my lifestyle. I took up running. Recipe by recipe I began to change my habits. (I hope to share more about these in other posts - stay tuned!)

I am learning just how nutritionally unaware we are as a society. I am becoming aware of what is in - or rather- what is not in our food. We are refining the nutrients out of our diets. As the nation becomes obese it is starving on a cellular level. This has been most eye opening for me.

I am less worried about what I shouldn't eat and more interested in what I should eat. What is good for me? What will nourish me?

There was a time when I cared only for what would pacify my cravings but now I happily think on those foods which will gratify much more than any measly munchies. Eating has become less of a hobby and more of a nurturing art. Eating has become less about tasting things and more about healing myself.

I started this diet because I wanted to lose weight. I was tired of being overweight. That was how I started this journey but I've ended up traveling a new road to something far more satisfying. I hope to share morsels from time to time...

insults and kisses and abbeys - oh my!

Jane Austen. She is my hero...ess. I admire her every time I open one of her literary masterstrokes. She was a brilliant writer. Her sense of humor was ever so subtle and yet, ever so pointed. She mocks like a lady. A friend once remarked that she imagined Jane Austen could insult someone in such a way that they thanked her for it. Unfortunately my best come backs are, "Oh yeah?! Well... You stink!" Oh Jane, if only I had a particle of your charm and burlesque.

So, I read Northanger Abbey recently. I watched the movie last year (starring Felicity Jones and JJ Fields) which has my favorite on-screen kisses EVER. Emma & I kept rewinding the kiss over and over and over...anyway... As I read the book I kept tripping over words trying to scramble to the kissing scene (which isn't in the book I'm afraid). I found it maddening how John Thrope and his horrid sister Isabella insisted on getting in the way. I loved how they annoyed me - it was a most delightful vexation.

   

It is said that Northanger Abbey is one of Jane Austen's lesser novels but I don't know why - except if lesser means not as long as Emma, Sense and Sensibility or Pride and Prejudice. It's short but no less brilliant, playful and anticipatory (did I use that in the right contexts? I'm trying to use new words but I'm not sure if I've got the hang of it - do tell me, dear reader, if my grammar is working properly).

Do take the time to read this lesser but no less captivating work of art. And then when you have finished, huddled under blankets on the sofa at 2:00 am, run out and get the movie...well, wait until the sun comes up...or you can watch it here immediately! Happy Abbey-ing!

the road is life...

"Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life." – Jack Kerouac

a poem or something...

Motherhood by a mother

I see my life as a simple offering, more often felt than recognized.

Like the bend in the lane; the sun in the trees;

the green in the moss; the soft in the breeze.

I see myself genlty, gracefully, joyfully unfolding in every situation.

I am gentle and joyful and kind through and through.

I am listening and lauging and lifting and true.

change is in the air...

Wow!  It would appear I have forgotten about this little blog.  I haven't.  Truth is, it's been on my mind continually.  I'm in a quandary because I feel like I'm outgrowing Honeyanne. I feel like I want to move in a new direction.  How typical of me.

Just the other week I stupidly opened a nasty virus which wiped out my hard drive and I lost all our family photos.  Of course, I had nothing saved to disk.  This makes sharing photos difficult.  I suppose I could set up a bunch of photo shoots this week and restock my photo banks (which I will save to disk!!!)...but as I blurted out previous, I feel like I'm moving in a new blogging direction and I don't quite know what that direction looks like just yet.  Does this mean I'm moving sites again?  I'm not sure.  But I think, for the new year I will retire Honeyanne. 

 

  

what's your comfort food?

    

(Tee hee - did you see how I used a play on words with "comfort food" and pictures of my little Comfort eating? Isn't that great?  I'm just so witty sometimes I scare myself. Ahem. Anyway...)

Ah, yes.  Comfort food.  My best friend and my worst enemy.  Too much of a good thing is, well, a lot of something good, which is good right? It feels that way at the moment but eventually it catches up with me, I am finding, which is not - um - good.

Moderation in all things.  Moderation is the name of the game.  Often, when I am unsure exactly what a word means I go to the synonyms to clarify.  Here are a bunch of synonyms for moderation:

• balance
• calmness
• composure
• constraint
• patience
• poise
• quiet
• restraint
• sobriety
• steadiness
• toleration

Hmmm...interesting, especially in connection with comfort food because, I am trying to achieve a sense of balance, quiet, restraint, self toleration etc. when I turn to food for comfort.  Can I use food to achieve this? 

Just for fun, lets look at some of the antonymns of moderation:

• indulgence
• intensity
• outrageousness
• severity
• unlimitedness
• violence
• wildness

Violence?  Really?  Can eating be a violent thing we do to ourselves?  I've heard of this before actually.  Let us suppose over doing it on the kraft dinner, cookies, Haagen Daz or whatever food you go to for comfort, is an act of violence on yourself.  Haagen Daz is not the evil here - it's the outrageousness of the indulgence which is the evil.  Too much of a good thing is violent.  Hmmm, when I consider it in these terms everything changes.

When I turn to food for comfort it is usually because I am lacking something - I'm bored or sad or worried or mad.  Sometimes I am celebrating too. If I turn to food in moderation to comfort myself, can I assume I will experience a sense of quiet, calmness or balance?  That is the hope, isn't it?  Why do we get up in arms about comfort food as an enemy.  It isn't.  Food is our friend.  It is unrestrained appetite which is our enemy. 

I don't know, maybe I'm way off here.  I think I need to study the topic more but the pictures are cute so at least this blog entry has that in it's favor.

Leave a comment if you have any insights on the topic of moderation and food...

set sail...

I've been reading As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. I usually read it every year. This book, simplified in my own words, explains how thoughts are extremely powerful and important in a person's life.

The other day I watched Inception staring Leonardo DiCaprio. There were 3 lines in that movie which stood out to me - kind of grabbed hold of me.

"An idea. Resilient. Highly Contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate."

"The seed that we plant in this man's mind will grow into an idea. This idea will define him. It may come to change...well, it may come to change everything about him."

"An idea is like a virus, resilient, highly contagious and the smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you."

These little lines in a movie, crammed full of car chases and explosions, started to mix with the lines in As A Man Thinketh. I started to really wonder what one idea has taken root in my mind. What one idea is growing in there and defining me?

I searched my mind and, to my upset, found an idea which has been growing for a very long time.

I can't.

There it was. I could see how it has defined my life in so many ways. "Holy crap!" thought I (please excuse my potty-mouth). This one little thought, contagious and resilient has taken hold of me and has held me back for most of my life.

But also, as I examined my mind a little further, I found another idea that had been growing and weaving it's way up and around the dense thicket of the first idea.

I can.

Of all the things I have accomplished in my life, this idea has been the catalyst and the hope.

I realize how I need to nurture this little idea that has taken root in my mind. I need to tend it and feed it and water it and encourage it and shelter it. It's quality of life matters more than anything else.

The power of one idea - no matter how tiny - can grow until it changes everything. It can define not only myself but the world around me. We've seen that happen over and over in history. One idea can define a whole nation. Such a thought is worth nurturing, don't you agree?

I am discovering how subtly an idea starts in the mind. We can be nurturing it for a life time without even being aware it's there. Once we start to awake to the ideas, we can nourish and encourage what is right and empowering and reject those ideas which are base and damaging. We can resist the low notion and turn our gaze to more nobler ideas.

My dear friend Amber sent me this quote once. She was longing to cast off and explore her potential and find adventure and meaning in her life. As I think on this quote, I too long for distant shores. I long for the sea of possibilities in myself. But something often holds me back and these past few weeks I've been able to explore what it has been.

I challenge you, dear reader, to search inward and see just what ideas are defining you...happy sailing!

on being gathered...

There is nothing so gratifying as sitting around a table with good women, feeding each other physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I was at a feast last night. It was fantastic, dear reader, to spend time with truly amazing women. We were celebrating birthday style - just a small gathering of kindred spirits eating, sharing and laughing. I didn't want to leave the table.

I can't account for the cake but it is a good thing great conversation doesn't have calories! I would have been in some serious trouble otherwise. Ralph Waldo Emerson was so right, my best thoughts have come from others. I have grown so much because of the women I love. When you have the priceless opportunity to sit at the feet of wise women the only option you are given is to grow.

Between Debra's puppet show to Audrey's reading about the humble nobility of No Moccasins to Cat's vivid reflections to Karina's keen insights I ate raw seed cake, zucchini cake, potatoes from the garden, organic humus and drank infused iced tea. Dear reader, every day should be like that. I'm a bit bereaved that it isn't. I can't tell you how deflated these moments are while I sit at home - alone - with only the dishes to share their stories and let me tell you - dishes are soooo boring!

I crave the circling influence of others. I crave the telling of stories. I crave the diversity of potluck creations. I have to say with all the gratitude I can muster, since I was very young, I have always been gathered by wonderful women. Really, that is what the whole experience is about - gathering and being gathered - circled round about by the wisdom, compassion, empathy and humor of soul sisters. Thank you. Thank you.

Let's gather ourselves tomorrow - bring your best conversation and I'll bring a plate of something tasty...

writer in residence ...

The story I am writing exists, written in absolutely perfect fashion, some place, in the air. All I must do is find it, and copy it. ~Jules Renard, "Diary," February 1895